Friends.

Mood okay, merci
Wearing school uniform, more old manky socks (this time in red)
Eating/Drinking Fruit Pastilles
Hearing CSI - 5X24-25 - Grave Danger
Dreamt about nowt.
Currently reading The Beach - Alex Garland; Five People you Meet in Heaven - Mike Albom
Present MSN name Well, if the Wizard of Oz had nude photos of the Wicked Witch, Dorothy would have never lost her slippers.
Talking to Bone, Matt, le Beak, Catdog, Lem, Steph, Kaling, Ed
Last text from Bone
Word of the Day true

(The gang: pre-bitching.)

Friends. Friends. Friends. Does anyone miss that series yet? I don't really. But the Friends I do miss are the ones I hang with every day.

See, I was chatting to Herry today (though unfortunately not for long) about my problems. Didn't enjoy it much, well, I didn't like talking about those issues; but I do like talking to her. Even if maybe I piss her off by being so bloody insecure about everything, and however much she denies it... I still think maybe I do. But then again, I know she's not two-faced or hypocritical, so I ought to just trust her for that. Not that I don't... grr! Shut up, Gnat!
Anyway, talked to her about the September Row and briefly mentioned the most up to date one. I never finished cos her ma rode up on a bike and dragged wee-Herry away, and that left me to walk back to my house.
But, getting to the point: I told her about all those recent things, and then stuff which I've found out since those recent things and just how everyone has been changing. I never got to tell Herry how much I hate change. I do because I don't. Heh. I hate change cos I don't change. Stuff around me changes and there's never enough for me to be able to change with my surroundings, thus, I get left behind.

See, it's something that I just can't do. I will admit I live in the past. I don't think ahead cos my mind's always so preoccupied with what's already gone past. For example, if I've had a conversation with someone (generally someone who I don't talk to often/someone I like/somone I want to like me/someone of all of the above) I'll go away and go through that conversation again and again. I don't get that so much now, but certianly last year in year 9 I got it all the time. And I'd just find that I regretted most of the things I did or said to the point where I'd just get so paranoid about just about anything that I'd start to doubt myself and feel confused. Not about anything in particular, or anyone really... just feel odd. Like a weak bubble-day. Hmph.

Feel stupid. Really do.

Y'know, I don't even want to talk about Cherry, or Flo, or Vamp, or le Beak, or Sal (even though he's leaving school on Thursday and I'm going to miss him so much).
I just want to say this:
When I was talking to Herry, the smoky-slags passed and she said that they were prettier than her. Kinda surprised me cos I'd never thought of Herry as being someone who felt like that about people like them. Personally I think Herry's a hell of a lot prettier than them. I mean, she doesn't need to be orange or sleep around or smoke or do drugs or whatever the hell they actually do to be more attractive than them. Herry's a great lass. I almost hate her for being so damn lovely.

I dunno though, cos over the last week cos I've just been having a crap week, I've felt that a lot of people have been pissed of by me; Herry for one and the usual lot for the others.
Herry put me right with that; made me feel better a little. But I think I felt it moreso with her cos she's in a different kinda group to me. I don't feel too awkward about writing this cos she's probably not going to read this anyway.
What I mean is that she's in a different circle to me, and in our petty little ranking system we seem to have at school; she ranks higher than me. And that is why I think I piss her off a lot, just cos I'm not as pretty or as popular or as interesting or as fun as those people who she hangs with; those in the same or better ranks than her, cos she's comfortable with that.
I know she's not that shallow, but it doesn't stop me feeling so insecure about it. le Beak's right, I am really insecure. Not sure if I'm worse than le Beak herself or not, but either way - I've just gotta sort this out.

And how do I sort myself out? See, if it was anyone else, those who come to me or advice or what not; if I analysed their psyches, and say they had my psyche; it'd be the vicious cycle: get angry - get upset - get confused. That's my cycle. To explain it: something very small sets me off and I'm one of those people who dwells on things. I think and think and think about it, and then I'm not even angry anymore, I'm upset about it, and without things being logical and rationalised, I can't cope and get confused cos things aren't totally clear anymore.
I'd set myself some sort of regime where the cycle would stop. But another thing, I have no self control either. I can't think rationally (well I can, but my emotional room gets more priority than my mental room in these times).

So yeah, that's me.
Over paranoid, overly self-concious, overly-sensitive, blah blah blah. Do I portray this when I'm at school or anywhere? I hope not, or what kind of a sad case will I look?

Thanks to Herry anyway for today, even though it might've not seemed a lot to you.

Finally, CSI news. Grave Danger was disgustingly good. After everything I said about it... I still hate Quentin Tarentino though. He's still ripping off his own movie. And the end bit of the episode was great. From the rescue onwards. Gary Dourdan, Billy Petersen and of course George Eads did amazingly. I'll put the scene up soon.