Bouncing off four walls... I should have hit the corners.

Mood ex-fabby.

Wearing Wrangler jeans, new More tee, my steve jacket & my dressing gown.
Eating/Drinking nowt
Hearing Earshot - Nice to Feel the Sun
Dreamt about dunno.
Currently reading Rumours (but someone Fleetwood Mac-ified)
Present MSN name ''Come on guys, even if it may seem bad for GSR now... there are pirates, you guys. PIRATES.''
Talking to Meli
Last text from Jack
Word of the Day Austria

There is so much going on at the minute. I was at the East Midlands Cadet session last night in Loughborough and I really didn't enjoy myself. The coaches are evil. And I'm really not ashamed to say, when I was within the safety of my mask, I cried, like the stupid little girl I am, because they were mean to me.

How pathetic is that? For goodness' sake, I'm sixteen. Grow up, Gnat!

But they're like Bruce, but worse. All snide comments and 'witty' remarks which immediately get your back up and actually upset you. Mick and my pop told me to take it on the chin. I found it difficult, especially since it was my first time there and I was already finding it difficult to fit in, and plus I kept making a fool of myself (especially in the warm-up, because I just didn't get what the wall thing was...).

I won't be put off. I will still go in a fortnight's time.

And as for John Port Open Day?

Excellent.

I actually considered going there, but ultimately it is too far to commute from every day, so I will stick with the Millennium Centre. Oh happy day. But at least I won't be leaving the lovely teachers like CMC and GHS so soon. I am such. a. dork.

There were some dodgy moments such as when I first met you year 12 'buddy' and I didn't know what to say to her, and when I had my interview and I forgot to give my interviewer my ROA, and when the 'bass player' incident happened: 'where's the bass player' - *points* - 'there she is!!'. Stuff like that. But I tell you this, John Port is huuuuuge. But it's so nice there. I really liked it.

Oh, and I'm mates with Vamp again. I'm really happy about that, but some things I just... have to hold back on when I'm around her. Like, I can no longer talk about any of my other friends, I shouldn't ever call her, I should not do such and such. It's not a big deal, I s'pose. But it's sad.

I read a post from her LJ, and I have to say that I was really hurt. She wrote about this time I called her when D was at her house and she told me this, but I talked to her regardless. Though I asked her if it was okay, she said it was. I didn't realise she was timing me and such.

There's so much I want to ask her, but I don't think I can, because I don't know where I stand with her. Same with Rhebus Monkey, but I think I'm coming to my wits end with her, and she has no intention of ever talking to me like she used to. Cherry? I'm not sure I care. She certainly doesn't about me. Flo? I'm not sure I knew her in the first place.

I don't know. I love them (in a girl-girl friend way, you googling-lesbian-lubbing-maniacs) but I just have a feeling with my friends sometimes that it was better before, it was better before, it was better before... and it was. I dunno how to act around my friends anymore. It hit me a while ago, I shouldn't have to act, I should be myself.

But I'm not generally liked for who I am, not by the people who I thought cared about me, and who I care greatly about, also.

I have to fake to people. And that's what's so sad. That's why I can't let go of all my past times with my friends.

Don't get me wrong, I do love all my friends. I really do. But a lot of the time I find it hard to like them. I wish I could move on.

I need a boyfriend. Then I can go to the 'denying-all-existance-of-all-your-mates-cos-your-boyfriend-is-just-so-much-more-important-than-anyone-else' place that so many of my friends have gone to. I want to understand. I want to know what it's like.

Or am I just bitter?