What a mindfuck.

Mood I don't know, atm.

Wearing school uniform
Eating/Drinking nada
Hearing Midwest Product - Duckpond
Dreamt about dunno.
Currently reading Rumours (buy someone Fleetwood Mac-ified) & Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis (again)
Present MSN name I think. Therefore... I am not a tar heel.
Talking to no one
Last text from Meli, I think
Word of the Day mindfuck

So yeah, I'm pissed off.

And upset.

steve broke up and I am heartbroken. I'm not ashamed to admit I shed some tears about it. I loved them, I love them, and now they're gone.

And as if that wasn't enough... I've been on yourtaxdollarsatwork.org and I think maybe I should copy some posts which sum up what I can't phrase any better than them:

by ukgsrlover:

Dear Mr Petersen

I am writing to you because I admire your acting and because I think you have a genuine concern for your portrayal of your character, Gil Grissom.

As you are now doubt aware, there are large internet forums which discuss CSI. Many focus on the various romantic pairings of the characters. I would imagine that this seems a bit obsessive and sad to people involved in the production of shows.

However, if you look at the forums you will see that, in fact, most of the discussion actually attempts to create an internally consistent reality within the show by discussing the characters’ motivations and past and present actions. This, I presume, is what you do when you act a character and I also presume that there are multiple competing influences from writers and producers which militate against the creation of a coherent character. You cannot overestimate the importance of consistent characterisation in the ability of committed, regular fans to enjoy the show: if you want proof, go to the forums yourself.

With that in mind, I wanted to make you aware of the large amount of disquiet that is being created among fans who cannot reconcile the portrayal of Grissom’s relationship with Sara over the seasons, with his current interest in Lady Heather.

Over the seasons Grissom has been portrayed as having a ‘tortured obsession’ (your words in the Companion) regarding Sara, yet not being able to act on it. Butterflied indicated that the attraction was not just one sided and showed his inhibitions in this regard. However, it did not put an end to the coupling as Grissom’s jealousy of Greg in Season 5 indicated that his interest in Sara was still very much alive.

Basically, unless fans see Grissom as somehow impaired in his ability to reach out to Sara, his push-pull of her is perceived as abusive. From a female point of view, seeing the male lead of a show as an abuser is a major turn off. To me, this seems the basic source of disquiet when Grissom appears to be able to reach out to other women. This was the basis of the huge distress manifested on the forums when Grissom asked Sophia to dinner so casually. i.e. what are we to make of his behaviour towards Sara if he can connect with other women so easily?

A similar thing applies to the current Lady Heather situation. If Grissom wants to be part of Lady Heather’s life and they share a soul, as you said in a recent TV Guide article, what are we to make of his behaviour towards Sara over the seasons? Is she second best because he realises that LH is a totally unsuitable partner, or is he just a narcissist who likes to keep control over a young woman for whom his feelings are lukewarm? The latter seems more likely and it is really an unpleasant thought.

Lady Heather is a great character and had she not appeared on the background of years of this ambivalent and controlling relationship with Sara we’d be all for it.

However, on this background, Grissom ends up looking like a rather unsympathetic character. If you are going to go for a Grissom that is able to connect with other women then you’ve got to drop the Sara story. Watching this young, attractive woman chase this guy, only to be continually rebuffed, while he manifests his interest in other women and she, inexplicably, has no other offers, is too demeaning to women to continue to watch.

Believe, women are highly sensitised to issues of emotional abuse nowadays. I have also been amazed at how sophisticated fans are in their appreciation of characterisation and writing and the internet has clearly enhanced this. Ultimately, women can only take so much: they leave an abusive marriage, and they stop watching an abusive protagonist.

Thanks for reading my letter. I realise writing to you about characterisation must be irritating but I participate in the forum and I am aware of what people think.

---

by mystery:

QUOTE(cmm @ Jan 30 2006, 11:37 PM)
In some ways i agree with your post but in others it kinda dissapoints me cause
that would mean the end of GSR. I am a sara fan and have long thought she should
get away from Grissom but, add to that the writers do not want to let her get
away. Even if she did have a young hunk I doubt he'd be hers for long. As long
as she's on the show there will be this tug o war and Grissom as Sara is his
backup. The only way i see to get her out of it is for JF to leave. Therefore no
more sara no more backup for Grissom.

Forgot to add It will probably air
differently from what WP and the media says anyways so we're all probably
overreacting. Also probably a few months from now WP will probably say something
similar but instead of it being about LH it will be about Sara.

Adding to what you're saying here, and many posts by Marabet, this is one of the things that most fucking pisses me off about the whole GSR debacle. Grissom can't, won't, is too inept to pursue a relationship with Sara, and (some of) the writers don't want him to because it makes him that much more mysterious (a big fucking eyeroll here), and yet they refuse to let Sara move on. Gil Grissom, thy name is validation in inappropriate places. Seriously. Sara validates Grissom. More than any other character on the show, Sara validates his existence. Sara is smart, intelligent, spunky and young - she's interested in a man whose interest in her has never been defined. She's not a fringe-dweller, but a justice seeker. No matter how off the beaten path Grissom goes, good 'ole normal, younger, smart Sara will be on the narrow road waiting for him. Sara can't have another love interest (as JF has requested), because to do so would invalidate Grissom. It would be a sign that he's not all that and a bag of chips with the 32oz coke on the side.

For Sara to be happy without Grissom, would be the equivalent of admitting that Grissom wasn't worthy in the first place. So, the writers have to keep Sara dangling on the string in the wings, or give her a shitty, adulterous boyfriend so that when all is said and done Grissom (and therefore her intial choice of him for a significant other) is justified.

I remember when I watched the X Files there was a wave of people who swore they weren't going to watch as the William debacle edged nearer and nearer toward the absolutely ridiculous. And then, they stopped watching, or so they said. I wasn't sure I believed them, but whatever. I do believe CSI will lose viewers over this - sure, it may not make a dent in the Nielsen ratings, but even still they're driving people away. It adds up eventually. Oh, and the shark? Has been jumped.

---

I dunno... there've been other comments, but this whole thing with LH is just stupid and crazy.

Though, on one hand I don't mind it so much, there is just one thing, as one YTDAW member said, this whole thing with Sara, Spork, Catherine (cos, of course... she luuurrrves Grissom too) and Lady Heather is just creating a harem affect, and, as mentioned, it's not only unbelieveable, it's also really demeaning to women.

There's also the BIG point about the way Grissom treats Sara in the letter written in my first quote... it's not on. See these quotes from the lovely Marabet:

I have only three things to say:

1) Why do I suspect that, when the episode actually airs, we'll be rolling our eyes at the third hug but will conclude that, if you could ignore all of the outside commentary, the episode wouldn't have seemed all that bad?

2) This could be worse. Oh yes, it could. How, you ask? Well, "Gum Drops" could have aired in its original form, thus establishing an ongoing romantic relationship between Grissom and Sara...and we could be getting the same episode with Lady Heather, with similar, if not identical, commentary from the writers, actors and producers involved. What, you say, surely that wouldn't have happened? Yeah...call me cynical.3) I've long thought that the reason WP keeps bringing up Grissom and Sara and apparently refusing to let that die is not so much because he's committed to the idea of Grissom being with Sara as much as he is committed to the idea of making his socially stunted, introverted, geeky character seem somewhat alive and vital on an ongoing basis. After all, if this younger, energetic, model-looking woman adores Grissom to the point of subsuming all of her own wants and needs to be around him, he seems sexy and desirable just by transference if nothing else, no? Look at it this way, and WP's comments in the LH interview make sense, because having this alluring, seductive dominatrix be focused on Grissom out of all the men in Vegas makes him look even hotter. Of all the roles that WP has played or will play, this is the one that people will remember him most for, for the rest of his life and after that. His obit in the New York Times, like William Shatner's, will mention his seminal TV character in the first paragraph. *He wants Grissom to look appealing.* The problem is for me that the emphasis on Grissom's feelings and doubts and wishes at the expense of Sara's autonomy have made him a less and less appealing character for me, but not everyone feels that way.

You want to make WP feel a sting as a result of that TV Guide interview? Very well, I'm going to give you a step-by-step guide. Write a letter to CBS and TV Guide saying, in essence, "Just read the TV Guide article about Lady Heather and CSI and I have to say that I totally agree with William Petersen's comments. Lady Heather is the perfect love interest for him -- lonely, twisted and age-appropriate. I'm so glad that the show seems to be moving away from the idea that Grissom would make a good love interest for Sara, who, after all, is a decade and a half younger than he is. Sara would fit much better with a cute guy who's in her age range, like Greg. Let's have Grissom have a relationship with a mature woman, even if it's offscreen, and let Sara have scenes smooching a young hunk. Everybody wins."

(And before anyone points it out, I KNOW that Melinda Clarke is, in reality, younger than JF. I was watching her play an ingenue on "Days of Our Lives" when the rest of you young whippersnappers were in elementary school. But Lady Heather is played as someone who is an age contemporary of Grissom and Catherine, and that's what I'm responding to here.)

---

QUOTE(cmm @ Jan 30 2006, 10:37 PM)
In some ways i agree with your post but in others it kinda dissapoints me cause that would mean the end of GSR. I am a sara fan and have long thought she should get away from Grissom but, add to that the writers do not want to let her get away. Even if she did have a young hunk I doubt he'd be hers for long. As long as she's on the show there will be this tug o war and Grissom as Sara is is backup. The only way i see to get her out of it is for JF to leave. Therefore no more sara no more backup for Grissom.

See, I agree...which is why I made that suggestion. I don't think the writers are really going to bring on another serious love interest for Sara, whether hunky, geeky, otherworldly or whatever. Her role at this point, basically, is to make Grissom look good. Really. I have no doubt that at some point before the last minute of the show Sara and Grissom will kiss or do something along those lines to indicate that they're In A Relationship Now! And the implication will be that that's a good thing for Sara because she got her man. She had to sacrifice her autonomy completely, subsume her own personality and basically become Grissom's satellite, but hey, she gets to have the honor of dating Grissom, so everything's okay!WOW, I'm in a bitter and dark mood tonight, aren't I?

---

So yeah, all the things I have loved just keep falling in around me, everything is falling apart. steve, CSI... and then on a more personal level to me: my friends, my school work... In particular, my friends. But there's nothing I can do. And the stupid thing is, I can't tell anyone, I can't ever let anyone know how I feel about my friends or if anything gets me down, cos ultimately, no one really cares about how I feel. I'm there in the group to aid the humour and entertainment, and that's it.

If I talk about how I feel, I'm selfish, I'm boring, I'm uncaring... whatever they say. But I have to care when they're hurting. I do care about them, don't get me wrong, but it would be nice to be cared about once in a while. It'd be nice to know that someone has my back...

:(