I hope.

Mood apprehensive
Wearing 'No maintenance' vest top & school uniform and green trainer socks (yeah, my clothes follow pretty much the same routine)
Eating/Drinking nothing. I have my facking brace in
Hearing Josh Radin - Closer
Dreamt about apples.
Present MSN name Have you ever gone a week without a rationalization? ...Rationalizations are even more important to us than... sex, even...
Talking to Matt
Last text from Bone/Orange
Word of the Day humiliation

So, I discovered a dude called Joshua Radin today, and omg, I love him so much. Closer is an amazing song. I’m hoping to get the CD at some point.

But fencing stuff comes first. I have decided on my mask, I have decided on my bag, I have decided o my shoes. Everything’s just hunky dory. Except I dunno what size to get for my fencing shoes, but for now; everything’s fine.

I haven’t had a fabby day at school, but it was okay, I suppose. I got eye-boggled at and shaken by my friends cos I made a mistake today. Is there a particular reason why I should know who the bloody frig Laurel and Hardy are? I mean, Flo thought that there was a guy in The Beatles called Tom, she’s a fine one to talk. And even though I said we were even today, we’re not.

Also saw the CSI trailer for episode Compulsions. ‘Twas good, but it didn’t inspire an awful lot in me. I have to say that CSI is pissing me off a little with it’s humungous cast and CM. But that is life. Oh, kill me now.

I spent my lunchtime today with Rach and Emilini. I quite enjoyed myself actually. I take back everything I said about Emily before, I mean, I’ve known that she’s actually a lovely lass for a while… and I quite regret calling her a disgusting slag, or whatever I said. She’s not. She’s great.

I’m getting quite worried about my brace. I really don’t want to be kicked off treatment, and I really want my overbite to go, but I hate my brace so much. I mean, I drool when it’s in. It’s no wonder why no one fancies me. Not even the dorks. Things are bad. Again, that’s life.

I dunno anymore. Feels like I’m losing control of things and I don’t now how to get that control back. Row after row. Argument after argument. Tears after tears. And I’m still as lonely and confused as I was before.
My temper is driving everyone away and making everyone miserable, mainly myself. I feel like people don’t understand, but I realised only not long ago that it’s not that people don’t, it’s that they don’t want to know.
This morning it was snowing as I walked to school. The traffic was just as evil as usual and the school kids were just as noisy as usual, but something felt different. It felt peaceful… there was a winter glow in the sky that spring blue sky and solitary snowflakes drifting down serenely in the crisp winter's breeze… and there was a feeling of hope and anticipation for the year to come. I thanked God as I walked for the day, and for the day before, happening as it did. I felt like He was actually there for once. It was an amazing but short-lived experience. I hope I don’t forget this.

On that note. I’ll go. I hope tomorrow brings the same feeling, though I doubt it. As it says it the Shawshank Redemption: I hope. Yes, I hope.