Summer of Love. Like hell.

Mood been better

Wearing stupidly low three-quarter sleeved wine-coloured top, Wranger jeans, funky retro black trainer socks

Eating/Drinking nowt

Hearing Prince - Nothing Compares 2 U

Currently reading Melinda Metz - Trust Me

Present MSN name All the flowers that you planted, in the back yard; all died when you went away.

Talking to Nowt

Last text from Linda

Word of the Day guess

Pfftt. This has been a long time in coming, and it’s about 2 months late. Suck it up, guys.

I expect this will be a very long post. I’m not really in the mood to write this, but there we go.
Such is life.

Firstly, I made the women’s team at rowing. Have I mentioned that before? I can’t remember. I didn’t even know that I was even being tried out, or more, tired out. But I digress.
I have been rowing hard over the summer and it’s been paying off. I’m I the women’s squad; and I’m doing okay. Mark is being really nice and helpful too.

As for fencing? I have my competition on Saturday which I’m pretty nervous about, but I will be okay, I guess. I’m going to fencing on Thursday so Mick and Jamie will put me at ease. They’ve been really sweet lately.
Alan got me some competition dates too. I love the guys at fencing (except Bruce and Tom). They’re all being so supportive; it’s great.

And as for the rest of my summer? I went to Kent and whatnot a few of weeks ago. It was okay. Puddy was dead snarky with me throughout, though she was okay with me on the first night and the last night.
I had to sleep on this fold out bed thing, which was a bit like sleeping on a really thin log. It was just as hard and just as narrow, pretty much. Horrible in either description though.
And she’d wake me up at stupid hours, and I’d be the last to go to bed as I was in the front room. It was madness. One night this stupid alarm went off at about 4am and I had to go and turn it off.
Doesn’t sound so bad, but I couldn’t sleep after that and was awake until 8am when Puddy came down and decided to make a racket so I’d have to get up. And I’d try to get back to sleep and she wouldn’t let me. The woman is evil.

Also went to Wild Wood when we were there. I think there is only so many times you can see a couple of badgers and a squirrel. I really hate it there. I hope I never have to go again. It is so immensely boring that I longed to be back home. How bad was that?
The highlight of that day was getting a bacon buttie filled with insults. Puddy, Lisa & Danielle all had their little comments to say, while I indulged myself in the bacon-y goodness.

Then we got back and saw fireworks and stuff. There was this one really cool firework that kinda flew into the harbour and sank under water and then blew up. And that was soooooo cool. Deliberate. And so cool.

I can’t really remember what even happened now. I’ve been putting this blog entry off for so long.

We spent a couple of days at the beach and I found a starfish and a really small fish that actually hated me. The starfish was evil and the fish hated me so much that it killed itself. I wasn’t impressed.

Went to Prune and Seppi’s too. It was really cool. Really good company. Great food. Great time.
Seppi had great fun trying out his new electrocuting-fly-swatter-thingy and it was hilarious watching hum run after everything that moved. It was later Lisa’s new hobby and the first ‘schnorg’ that she ‘electri-swatted’ was a Gnat. Yes, me. I wasn’t that chuffed either. Being electrocuted feels like hundred of needles sticking into you at one time, very quickly (in a concentrated place).

Prune and I had a bit of a heart to heart on the second time we came over. I had got Catdog to send me all my poems and stuff to me so I could give them to Prune. She read through them and then decided to talk to be about them… to be honest, I think she liked them, but I reckon she was a bit worried about me. I think she thinks I have a few ‘issues’, which is basically hilarious.

What else? Maybe this won’t be so long, cos I don’t see the point in mentioning everything. I spent a lot of time with my mp3 player, on the beach, on my log, and basically everywhere except at Prune & Seppi’s, because they are cool. Even though they are traitors.

Oooh... and then there was the guy. I met this really cool dude, and to cut a long story short, lost him again. I am le twatty doofus.

And back home:
Things are great. Lisa’s going to uni. I can finally get rid of her! Nah, it’s great that she’s dead happy atm and all that. I’m glad she’s finally going to vet school. Even though I hate her and everything, I’m still ecstatic about it.
Dinks got some pretty good AS levels too. Good for her, and that’s all you need to know. :D

Erm, what else? I have been seeing my nan and grandpa a lot recently and have blackberry picking. Heh, it’s so sad, but strangely relaxing apart from the brambley bits.

I’ve been cycling a lot and visiting the library basically every other day. The librarians really hate me. Tough luck on them.

Whatever.

Oh, yeah. I went to Soul Survivor too. I've gotta say, it wasn't fun.

If I'm honest, I hated it.

But I don't need to be honest to myself. So yeah, it was cool.

I went with Julia, and it started off pretty cool. We ate out on the way, she bought me breakfast 'n' all. When we got there, we met up with Ellie & her mate (not my Ellie. New Ellie is Julia's daughter is is about 19 and a lovely gal.)

There was a problem with the passes, so Julia and I had to wait for some news one to be done, and then we went to go and get the tent up.

That bit was a disaster waiting to happen. A six man tent for two people. But it didn't go badly at all. We got it up, and then sorted the stuff out. Then went to the evening service. And that's when I started feeling a bit weird but didn't make a deal of it until later. I couldn't get into worship-mode, or whatever and I didn't feel like I was there for God, or anything. So, to put it bluntly, I didn't try much.

Then, a bit later it was the steve gig. I went along and texted Sam from the steve forum to ask him to meet me there seeing as he couldn't meet me earlier.

He didn't. But I met a gal who I chatted to for a bit (and stood next to in the audience a bit later) and a guy with blond hair who I didn't really say a lot to.

When the shutters opened, I dived in with the rest of the crowd, flashing my pass to a steward and running to the front, and planted myself smack in front of the microphone on the stage. I had the best 'seat' in the house.

The place filled, bodies pushed together, and it gets really hot. I share steve trivia with the gal I talked to outside until the gig starts. Surprisingly, steve didn't start with Cannonball which struck me as strange. But oh well. There's not much point in talking about the gig in great detail, but it was frickin' fabulous. The only bad things were that the crowd were quite 'bargy' which is a good thing and a bad thing. Thankfully I didn't need to bite anyone this time like I have at past gigs (I do not like being shoved). Well, I've only ever done it the once, methinks, but still... I don't want to make a habit of it.

The other bad thing was the steward in front of me who kept glaring at me and blocking my view of Neil. It is the latter that is unforgivable.

Nonetheless, after the gig, I try to get the line-up sheet, but I'm not allowed cos the steward says that no one can have it, then she promptly gives it to a girl who was near me in the gig and was smoking before we went in. I hated her for a few minutes, and then went to the marketplace where I heard that steve were doing signings.

I passed the blond boy on my way. He asked me if steve were doing signing in the market. I said yes without looking at him and raced off. I momentarily wondered if I'd bump into Sam, like, ever. But then I saw the steev boys, so I went into fan-mode.

I saw Paul first. He noticed me, and above the heads of the people wanting his autograph, he said 'Hi Gnat/Nat,' which made me go all giggly inside. He gave me a look which said, 'Talk later,' so I went to find Joe. I found him and he said something barely above the din of the market about the drumsticks I had got him and he gave me a hug, which I wasn't expecting. That was the second hug I've had off him. He's lovely. I managed to regain some small part of my brain from the mush it'd turned to and cos I had brought my Bible with me, I asked him to fill in what the guys had at the 23/7 gig in Brummieland. But I told him that since he was busy with everyone else, I'd see him after. He said that was fine and he was looking forward to it.

Neil was busy. So I went over to Paul. I waited a while for some of the masses to clear. I feel a bit crap cos I was seeing myself a s a bigger steve fan than the 'masses' but then again, I didn't want an autograph from anyone unlike them, so we were just there for differing reasons.

A gal in front of me was looking through the Falling Down CD booklet and was looking at a picture of Rees. She said (looking up at Paul, and then down again on the piccy of Rees), that she didn't realise that they were the name person. Since I overheard, and knew she was wrong, I put her right and told her that Rees left the band about 3 years ago. Nonetheless, she still got the picture of Rees signed by Paul (I wonder if that pisses Joe and Paul off; that they have to sign pictures of band members who left and obviously aren't them?).

A couple of minutes later I spoke to Paul and it was really cool. We talked about old gigs and stuff and that was the first 'long' chat I've had with him. Seriously, I just need to bag Lee somehow, and then Ill be 'mates' with all of them.

Paul got carried away by another crowd, and I said I'd see him soon. I then went over to speak to Neil. Neil says, 'Hi!' in his way and I wonder if he does actually recogise me. I talk to him about all sorts of stuff and manage to get from him: info about the tour and the fact that steve will be bringing out a new single over the tour and I also asked him about a possible steve fanclub. I kinda expected him to laugh or something, so I prepared myself. But he took me seriously and said that it was something that the band would quite like, but are currently too busy with and so it'd be really cool if it was run by the fans. He said that at the next band meeting he'd bring the matter up [for me!] and at the Derby gig (I hadn't told him that I was from Derby this evening, so he did remember me, evidently) he'd talk to me then. It was funny cos I hadn't mentioned that I was even going to the Derby gig, but I guess cos it's within a 50 mile radius, I guess the guys just expect me to be there. That would figure, seeing as I've been as far as Cambridgeshire and Skegness and other random

places just for a steve gig.

I eventually saw Joe, just as the market place was trying to get people out. He wrote in my Bible and was talked for a little bit. I told him I'd see him soon and he looked quite happy. I said bye to Neil and shook his hand (using my reasoning that he didn't like hugging fans, so I wouldn't hug him [to which he smiled] and silently hope that I might get a hug from him sometime) and then I was gonna just leave, but then I saw Paul and so I decided to say farewell to him too. I shook hands with him too and then I went.

I was practically skipping back to the tent. Julia was long since asleep, but I woke her and told her I was in for the night. She thanked me and then I went to bed. I text Sam, and hope that I meet him sometime. Or had I already? I texted him right before I went to sleep. I apologised for not meeting him and he said that we had. I don't understand. He says he was the blond guy. I'm shocked and I apologise for being so rude. He replies with: ' :D '. I fall asleep with a huge grin on my face.

I woke up feeling like crap.

I think I went to a seminar (which was crap) and then I went to the main service. It was pretty much the same as the night before and I didn't enjoy that either.

Over lunch afterwards, Julia and I got talking. She asked me about my family and started delving in deep to my life. I wasn't best pleased. It made me feel dead awkward, so when the opportunity came up, I left as quickly as possible. After that I started to despise being at the festival, and more to the point, I started to despise being anywhere near her so I spent much of my time avoiding her and filling my time with trivial things. Needless to says, because I still hadn't met Sam.

I was ignoring Julia for about a day. I didn't bother going to one of the main meetings and some of the seminars and I walked out during a main meeting that I was with her with. I went to have a shower. I came back after my shower to find that the car was outside our tent and she seemed to be packing stuff in. I asked her what she was doing and she said that I didn't seem to be enjoying it, so we may as well go home.

I felt mildly guilty at this.

But that was short lived cos she makes me sit down with her and she tries her damnedest to make me go on some sort of guilt trip.

She asked me why I'm not getting into the worship meets and stuff. I say that I don't 'feel it' so I don't see the point. She then says that I should do it just because God is worth it, and not because I 'feel like it'. I don't look at her. I want to get away from her. But I don't. Stupidly.

She says that if there was something that somebody ever didn't 'feel like doing' it was Jesus who 'didn't feel like' being crucified and laughed at and taunted and touched and beaten and mocked and shouted at and sworn at and cursed... for some reason that point really hit a nerve and it kinda made me cry a bit. Which made thinsg a hell of a lot worse. Julia said that I was 'really hurting' and I needed it to get off my chest for a bit, or something. She also said that I was a 'special' person. Writing it here make her sound just a liiiitttttttllle bit pervy, but there we go. It didn't quite come out like that at the time. Nor now, really. I'm just crap at writing here.

She starts telling me about Russell Crowe's character on A Beautiful Mind. She tells me about his arrogance and him being a genius. I can't remember what point she was making but she likened him to me. Firstly, I do not have schizophrenia like he did. Secondly, I am not arrogant. Thirdly, I am not Russell Crowe. And finally, I am not male; which would sum up the last three points...

She says something about me being a 'genius' which is possibly the only comment that I liked (to a degree)

I say I'll stay at Soul Survivor and then I practically run away at the first chance I get. I still avoid her, so that is no different. I still hate it. I call Bone at night and talk to her to keep me sane. I go to cafes and Celluloid to watch movies. I meet Sam. He's cool. We meet twice during the festival. I attempt to go dancing in one of the clubs but I feel like a twat before I even start and they start playing the Beegees, so I'm outta there sharpish.

At one point, Ellie (Julia's Ellie) comes back to be taken to the station, so we take her and she goes back to Derby. It's nice to see her again. She leaves her surf board with Julia and I and I sleep on it later that night in preference of the hard, hard ground. (Ellie had gone south to go surfing with some of her buddies.)

It's not much later that Julia and I finally go home. We have a civil conversation that doesn't involve aything me-related or even vaguely deep. I ramble on about films I like to fill up the silence (but, more to the point, so she can't ask me anything stupid that I'll end up answering even though I don't want to.)

Thankfully we get to Derby. She drops me off at home and I scramble in and don't take to her for a long time (about a month... pffftt. Well, I do need her help with my coursework.)

And that is it. I then spent the rest of my time eithe seeing Ellie, rowing, fencing or on the PC. In that regard, the last bit of ym holiday was no different to any other time in my life.

ETA: This post is well out of date. I hate Danielle again. She got crap results.