Fine, fine, fine, fine, fiiinnnneeee....

Mood at peace
Wearing 'No maintenance' vest top & school uniform and green trainer socks (yeah, my clothes follow pretty much the same routine. Again.)
Eating/Drinking Smarties chocolate bar stuff. My mouth is in agony. Damn you brace.
Hearing Josh Radin - Winter
Dreamt about dunno. I didn't sleep much last night.
Present MSN name Have you ever gone a week without a rationalization? ...Rationalizations are even more important to us than... sex, even...
Talking to No one
Last text from Bone/Orange
Word of the Day fine

'Tis a fine day. Russell (Adam Paul Harvey ^) from Girls in Love is fine. Is he not fine? Well... that's not the best image of him, but I think that's the only pic of him on the web. Oh, and my day was reasonably fine. This song is fine. And I'm fine. (Ignore K's Choice - Shadowman for a bit. Please.)

Joshua Radin's song has great lyrics. You are free to think what you like - and they're no Bowie, but they're good all the same. And I like Radin anyway. Piss on you all if you don't like him ;)

Here are the song lyrics for the song I'm listening to now, Winter:

I should know who I am by now/ I walk the record stands somehow/ Thinkin' of winter./ Your name is the splinter inside me./ While I wait./

And I remember the sound/ Of your November downtown./ And I remember the truth/ A warm December with you./

But I don't have to make this mistake/ And I don't have to stay this way./ If only I would wait./

The walk is out and cleared by now/ Your voice is all I hear somehow/ Calling out, "winter"/ Your voice is the splinter inside me/ While I wait./

And I remember the sound/ Of your November downtown./ And I remember the truth/ A warm December with you./

But I don't have to make this mistake/ And I don't have to stay this way./ If only I would wait./

I could have lost myself/ In rough blue waters in your eyes./ And I miss you still./ And I remember the sound/ Of your November downtown./

And I remember the truth/ A warm December with you./ But I don't have to make this mistake/ And I don't have to stay this way./ If only I would wait./

---

Anyway, I was talking to Becky today about Daysleeper. I said I'd write whatever I felt, and I don't care if I offend people to be honest. This is my blog, and I'll say pretty mch what comes to me. You never know, I might take it back.

Becky has a problem with this, I think. She was telling my about Vamp's blog and how Becky had been quite insulted by it. I agree with Becky that what Vamp said was a little out of order, but then again Vamp can write what she likes, it is her blog and people choose to read it. That is that.

But I don't much care what Vamp does anymore. She has kinda forgotten all the time we've helped her through all the rough stuff and IMO, been good mates to her. But we're not close mates to her, apparently. We're not her best mates. After all we did. She just finds random people and suddenly they're her real bestest (or whatever shit) best mates. Either that or she finds a new guy to 'fall in love with'. And she's been drifting away from us for a while, and I really ought to learn not to take it to heart. It's her life and she doesn't seem to want us to be a part of it. Deal with it, Gnat.

But I guess it bugs me a lot still, even though I apparently don't care. I also find her casual approach to guys a little disturbing. She tells them that she loves them (all) and then they break up. Surely she must care for one of them truly? But no, the next day she's going out with someone else. Someone new. Cos they asked her out. Is she so insecure that she would hate to be single? In all her life, has she been single for an entire year; I really doubt it. But, anyway, they're her problems and unless she makes some change with herself, I'm not helping her out. Either way, I dunno if I would anyway. I don't like people taking advantage of me - and I'm sorry, but a lot of my friends do it, and because I try to be there for them... oh, whatever. *sigh* You get the picture.

Anyway, me: I have decided to keep my brace in all day and only took it out for a brief time over lunch and again for a few mins after school when I was walking home, and for about ten minutes when I was eating something when I got home. I have made an effort to eat in the damn brace, but it's so hard and when your teeth are so painful; it's v. difficult. But my orthodontists don't care about that. They're bastards. But hey, I might only have one more week of this shitty brace and then I might be able to get my train tracks. But yes, I took it out now so I can scoff for a bit. My teeth hurt so much it's unbelievable. I can eat on one side of my mouth only. And I know that if I don't eat now I'm going to feel v. hungry all night. I'll have my dinner, but it'll take me about an hour or so to eat, so it doesn't really fill me up. I hate this brace.

In a way, I want to get this brace all sorted out properly, but I hate it so much on the other hand that I want to get it all over and done with. Unfortunately this side is stronger. Damn me.

Oh yeah, I spent some time thinking about James today. I think the reason why I like him a lot but I don't feel like I really like him is that first of all; it's difficult to talk to him and I really don't think that he gives me a second thought... and then there's the fact that I'm jealous and that I have 'Romeo-syndrome'. Oh yes. I guess I'm still jealous of Luce and Pie, deep down. That's not why I had all those problems with them, but it annoys me that Luce gets the perfect guy on the first go. He's smart, he's tough enough, he's sensitive enough, he really loves her, he's older and more mature than guys our age... and he makes sure that she knows that he loves her. I love that.

But she wasn't even looking for a boyfriend and she gets him. And there's me: still single after nearly sixteen years. I don't count either Patrick nor Paul as bfs. Cos I was under the age of seven. It just doesn't count. I think though, that I'm in love with the idea of being in love - and that James happened to be there at a desperate moment. People keep telling me, '...it'll happen, it'll happen...' But it won't. I know that I won't ever go out with a guy until it's The. Right. Guy. But I'll never find that guy, cos I'm looking in all the wrong places and, ultimately, I won't know if he's the right guy, cos it takes time to get to know a guy... and how will I know if I don't go out with him?

Anyway, the right guy. Who's he? He has to be passionate. He has to be smart. He has to be funny and serious at the same times. He can't be too perfect. He's got to have a creative talent and not be too straight-laced. He has to be physically attractive to me, or why would I even bother? ...and the right height would help! He has to be able to listen and be able to talk about things that matter and there needs to be a special bond between us. I want him to be there for me when I need him... and be romantic (to a certain degree). It's asking a lot, but that's my guy. That's everybody's guy, isn't it? *sigh...*

But like I've said before, and I'll say it again. That guy doesn't exist anyway. God is not kind enough to give me that guy, so I live alone, waiting and waiting. 'Give me, quoth I,' and 'Computer says no.... *cough cough*' . Yes, I did just combine Macbeth with Little Britain.

But enough of that. I had English today and we're doing Macbeth. Again. But it's okay, cos we're giving insight to the inside of the characters' minds. So... we have to so an essy on whatever chosen subject we have. I actually chose something that was on the sheet, this time. But there's only two people including myself who are doing this project. The other person is the very lovely Polly Kay.

I have gotten to know Polly a lot better since and during the History trip. I don't know her amazingly well but from what I've seen of her... I love (not like that.)

She's a great laugh... she's talented and secure about herself. She's the sort of person who doesn't give a damn about what people think about her and she's fabulously unique. And yeah, of course she has a bf. Maybe I should take a leaf out of her book (and Luce's too... sorta) and be a bit more 'out there'. I have to be able to do that without losing my own identity and without becoming the other person. Oh, life is tough...

But I am me. And as the quote goes: Yes, everyone's dying to be somebody else, but I'll live my life even if it kills me.

Yes. Yes. Yes.